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Spoiler Alert

I am going to try something new in the world of literature, so here we go -

 Spoiler Alert: I have a baby at the end of this blog.

This is not just a story about a boy and a girl who fall in love, get married and have a baby.  My story turns that upside down and inside out.  I somehow ended up approaching this baby idea at a new angle.  I have the answers to the test…just not the questions.  Or the paper and pencil.

Its hard to explain to people about this passion to have a baby I have developed.  I have my reasons and excuses.  Some are completely made up reasons that end up making me feel like an irrational baboon and some reasons are heartfelt and genuine.  At least as far as I can tell.  I’ve compiled a list, but I am not ready to publish it just yet.  Another day.

I guess I should begin with some background on myself.  I went to college and majored in ECSE (Early Childhood Special Education) at the University of Maine at Farmington. You may think my background in ECSE lead me down this path, but even my involvement in ECSE was designed by the universe. Somehow, when I applied for this college, I had inadvertently indicated I wished to major in Sociology/Anthropology. I didn’t realize until I went to first week orientation this is where I was placed and by that time, all of the Elementary Education spots were filled (my real passion since I was 5). When I went to my guidance counselor to discuss my options and my future college career, I bumped into the head of the ECSE department. I discussed my dilemma with her and she thought that her department was a great fit for me.

All it took was a couple of signatures and there I was: majoring in a field that I really wasn’t that interested in (except for the child development and teaching aspect). I did complete college, but the second I graduated, I moved back in with my parents in Virginia (to minimize my living costs and work to pay off my student loans) and started a job working at a travel insurance company.

I love my customer service job. I have exceled at it, been promoted and in all honesty, I kick ass at it. Well, thats taking it a bit too far, but I am very good at knowing when to take initaitve and how to achieve results. Of course, I have days when I am sitting there working with a customer who threatens to break their leg and shove it up your ass if you dont give them back your money… but overall it has been rewarding.

I should mention I am more confident at this job than I have ever felt working in the field of ECSE. I never felt like l like I was making a difference in my studies.  Looking back on it, that field is not very structured.  The tasks you are assigned vary day to day and they rarely achieve a concrete output.  Everyday, I would struggle to get out of bed and go into class or practicum. It took too much exertion and energy, and most of the cases were heartbreaking.   Of course, there are rewarding days.  For example, when I discovered a topic that a child with attachment issues loves to learn, feel, talk about, it was refreshing to bond with that child and open them up to new experiences using that channel.

I knew it was not the field for me though. Working with travel agents and in the insurance field is my niche.  I have literally been forced at least 2 times to take a vacation because I have accrued too many vacation hours.  Insurance excites me, which trust me, I understand that makes me just a sad….sad individual.

But there I am.  A plain Jane that lives at home with my parents in a one story house right next door to my 85-year-old grandfather.  I work odd hours, I barely am able to keep up with my student loan debt, and one day…

I wake up with the desire to have a baby.

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